Funniest Rated Tweets

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  StephenAtHome: Why doesn't Wikileaks release documents that Americans actually want to see, like Barack Obama's birth certificate?
  First Nominated: 2010-07-28 14:16:09Z, 75% funny (96 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I say, find a new heart surgeon.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-28 23:35:34Z, 61% funny (129 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: Al-Qaeda’s magazine for suicide bombers has an abysmal re-subscription rate.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-02 17:34:33Z, 87% funny (39 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: Even The Real Housewives have been hit by the recession, having to settle for Bulgarian waxes. That's the one where they add hair.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-30 14:30:58Z, 60% funny (138 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: bp is siphoning oil into a tanker on the surface. thank goodness nothing ever goes wrong with oil tankers
  First Nominated: 2010-06-08 14:44:47Z, 68% funny (70 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: Chatroulette wants to eliminate nudity. The two remaining users will have a great conversation.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-28 23:39:50Z, 78% funny (46 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: women are out to get us. why do you think we invented separate bathrooms? we needed a panic room!
  First Nominated: 2010-06-16 14:41:48Z, 80% funny (41 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: not sure why farm workers are necessary in a world where we've genetically modified corn to pick itself
  First Nominated: 2010-07-09 15:33:03Z, 82% funny (39 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: who is this "rorschach" guy and why does he keep painting pictures of my mom?
  First Nominated: 2010-06-03 15:36:49Z, 87% funny (31 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: World cup cops: if the crowd gets unruly, remind them that they're watching soccer and they'll fall asleep immediately.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-11 15:29:01Z, 76% funny (42 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: nintendo just unveiled a handheld, 3-D gaming system. i already have one of those - it's called a deck of cards.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-16 14:41:34Z, 78% funny (38 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: No more tax cuts for the wealthy! Oops - looks like my comma key wasn’t working for a second. I meant: No, more tax cuts for the wealthy!
  First Nominated: 2010-07-29 14:24:32Z, 58% funny (123 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: my sponsors took great care of me while i was sick. thanks for bringing me that soup, giant can of Axe Body Spray i hallucinated
  First Nominated: 2010-07-07 16:24:58Z, 70% funny (51 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: some people call it fleet week. i call it my best chance to steal a submarine
  First Nominated: 2010-06-03 15:36:34Z, 72% funny (44 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: supreme court extended gun rights today! maybe now i can finally add sweetness as my emergency contact.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-29 17:57:21Z, 68% funny (51 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: hey twitter, why haven’t i been nominated for a prestigious tweetie yet?! i won’t take “there’s no such thing” as an answer.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-30 19:12:33Z, 67% funny (49 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: if bp can't stop the leak, maybe they can make it look better by putting one of those floppy used car lot balloon men over it
  First Nominated: 2010-06-02 14:15:16Z, 67% funny (49 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: "Perfect games" aren't perfect for the spectators. More like perfectly boring. You don't even get to watch someone walk
  First Nominated: 2010-06-04 15:11:20Z, 68% funny (38 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: BP's cut pipe is releasing 20% more oil. You know what they say - in order to make an omelet, you have to kill everything in the ocean
  First Nominated: 2010-06-04 15:12:24Z, 79% funny (24 votes) show
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  StephenAtHome: Hephzibah Anderson spent a year without sex? It's hard to imagine, 365 days without anyone passionately yelling out the name "Hephzibah!"
  First Nominated: 2010-07-27 14:49:54Z, 76% funny (25 votes) show