Funniest Rated Tweets

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  michaelianblack: People who aren't nerds are the new nerds.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-26 16:46:43Z, 78% funny (84 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Alabama is so hot it must've been a relief for the civil rights protesters when the fire hoses were turned on them.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-24 15:52:55Z, 74% funny (95 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Psyched when my wife said she was making "panzanella" for dinner. Disappointed to learn it contained neither panda nor gazelle.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-27 14:50:24Z, 68% funny (101 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: I like to be the last one on the plane just to give the guy in the seat next to me a false sense of hope.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-18 19:54:55Z, 88% funny (42 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Out of the hot tub. Craftily hid my farts in the water jets.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-09 15:34:05Z, 81% funny (49 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Guess what movie me and my wife are going to see tonight? If you guessed nothing I want to see, you're right.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-25 17:08:40Z, 67% funny (88 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Suggestion to make soccer more popular in America: add face punching.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-11 15:30:48Z, 84% funny (44 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Books are the poor man's internet.
  First Nominated: 2010-05-15 17:53:04Z, 78% funny (51 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Best part of vacation so far - spending hours online in a totally different place.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-02 17:33:09Z, 85% funny (41 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: On a plane. Will I get in trouble if I tweet that I have a bomb? Guess we'll find out.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-18 15:22:58Z, 81% funny (44 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Global idea: Every three years out of four, people gather to celebrate the lack of World Cup soccer being played.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-15 16:11:56Z, 83% funny (42 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: The worst frozen pizza tastes better than the freshest salad.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-01 16:57:31Z, 80% funny (46 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Turns out there aren't enough hot mommies to make visiting my kid's elementary school worthwhile.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-18 15:23:57Z, 93% funny (31 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Hope they replace "Don't Ask Don't Tell" with "Ask Then Hump."
  First Nominated: 2010-05-27 15:45:41Z, 75% funny (53 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Today's headline: North Korea out of World Cup. Tomorrow's headline: North Korean Soccer Team Dead.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-26 18:58:33Z, 93% funny (31 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: So BUMMED I'm not at Comic Con. I need more grown men dressed as cartoon characters in my life.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-23 15:26:40Z, 67% funny (79 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Maybe the cast of "Jersey Shore" can just walk around the gulf. Wouldn't all the oil be drawn to them magnetically?
  First Nominated: 2010-05-25 16:18:09Z, 75% funny (53 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: My new phone is so much better than my family.
  First Nominated: 2010-06-14 14:56:36Z, 82% funny (40 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: Somewhere in heaven, Billy Martin just got fired. RIP George Steinbrenner.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-13 16:17:10Z, 82% funny (40 votes) show
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  michaelianblack: About to head to the beach because my ass crack is in serious need of a dermabrasion.
  First Nominated: 2010-07-25 17:06:36Z, 67% funny (71 votes) show